I’m one of those million Software engineers living in India, blaming myself for the decision made when I had choices. My parents never forced me into anything. But somehow or the other I never asked myself what I wanted to be when I had all the right to decide. Now I think about the choices and what I would have been, if I had not chosen engineering 6 years back.
My mom always wanted me to be a doctor. She never forced me though. Being a very good child at home, I wanted to make my mom’s dream come true and worked hard towards it. But destiny had it that I never became one. Destiny had something else for me. I would have been a doctor if I had managed to score 2 more marks in physical entrance. But it was not to be. I would have still been crying had I been a doctor. I’m not destined to kill. I can not do something that I’m not passionate about.
I would have loved to be a forensic expert, investigating crimes. I love genetics a lot. But my parents always believed that this field can be so prosperous only in movies. So I was not allowed to pursue and I’m not destined to solve so many mysterious cases. (This is not a role of lab assistants. Lab assistants and Forensic experts are two different people. All lab assistants I have seen have always cleaned burette, pipette and did salt analysis in chemistry lab. Lab assistants and research assistants can be the same though. These are only my views on lab assistants 😛 ). With this, India and this world have missed an excellent forensic expert forever, without even making him in fact.
I would have loved to be a psychiatrist. I love mind reading. It fascinates me a lot to read what is on others mind. I love it when people react to my actions the way I expect them to react. But then, I do not get to do this with everyone. I should get in sync with their mind. Now, I don’t see a chance of doing this anytime in this life that is presented to me.
I would have loved to be a sailor. Captain Jack Sparrow and his black pearl has always fascinated me to be a pirate. It would be so much of fun to be a pirate or a sailor. I can eat lobsters, squids, prawns all day. One fine day I would end up in a land that nobody ever knew it existed. I would hoist a flag and name the land – “Logan Island” or “Nathan Island”. I think this option is still open and I think I can still be a sailor anytime I want to be.
I would have loved to be a movie director. I would have had a genre for myself. I sometimes find great pleasure in watching movies that are directed the way I want them to be directed. I’m not sure if I’m really interested in directing movies. But it would be so nice to have one movie, an epic – movie of the generation directed by me and I would not ask myself to direct anymore than that one movie.
I would have loved to be a writer. I would have been happy writing books, publishing them, reading reviews of my work. If at all people like what I write, I would be famous and I would be all over the media. At this moment, there is something else that easily shuts down my desire to be a writer. There will come a time when “the something” will be overcome and I will happily write and publish books.
PS: This post is basically from a bored, confused soul working in an IT industry, a soul that repents for not having considered the choices, a soul that is looking out for the choices available now.