Moments that you never own!!!

How many times have your mind saved a clip of a moment from your life as a memorable one? How many picturesque moments have your mind captured to cherish the rest of your life? How many times have you played those clips from your memory to relive those moments? How many times have you played them over and over again? How many times have you run a slide show of those memorable pictures from your memory to revisit those times? Then there would be times that break everything. You would want to forget everything. You struggle to move on. How many such memorable clips have you destroyed? How many such memorable pictures have you torn? How many times have you begged with yourself to erase such clips and pictures from your memory so as to stay peaceful. Why does all these happen? Because, we are human beings and our mind is so powerful and quick that it can not stay calm for a second. It assumes. It manipulates. It derives meanings. And who suffers?

Again, why would all these happen? We never think flat. We either think positive or negative. We’re either optimistic or pessimistic. Any thing that we look at, we start deriving meanings out of everything – the timing of the moment, the gestures, the words and what not? We derive meaning out of everything. When we look at it positively, we derive positive things to keep ourself happy. That is how we collect memorable clips and pictures. When we look at it negatively, we derive negative meanings that break trust, relationship and our peace of mind.

What if you get to know all that is supposed to happen in future. What if you know that you would ultimately destroy all your memorable clips and pictures in future. Would you have saved them in the first place? But, is there a way to know the future. I think the best possible way around is to think flat, to play down moments. You never own any moment. You may be leaving behind legacy, but never own a moment. The moment that you think you own, are assumed to be owned by many others as well. We never own any moment. In fact, we don’t even own our life!!

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Confession of a Fighter

This year has been fantastic in terms of experiences. This year has taught me so many lessons that have helped me realize my destiny. My life, so far has been full of challenges. When I didn’t care about securing a rank in school, I was challenged to  top. I didn’t back out. I worked hard, I did well, but I didn’t win. I was written off, when I challenged myself to exceed all the expectations in my higher secondary results. When a foreign dept in college challenged us, I worked with a team to show the whole college what we are worth of. When the head of my department rejected our final year project proposal, citing that, only saints can work on such projects, my team worked hard to show them that we may not be saints, we may not be IIT geeks, but we do not back out of any challenge. I loved working on the challenges in a part of my work-life so far. I have lost most of the challenges I’ve tackled so far, but have never backed out of any of the challenges. I’ve always worked with a lot of passion in all of the challenges. So when I ask myself what my passion is, among all of them, working on challenges comes out on top. Proving something to someone by winning the challenges have remained my passion throughout. But the question is who have I tried to prove so far? Who am I trying to prove now?

I have been enjoying what I enjoy doing – working on challenges and proving. I have been very self fish so far by covering myself in my comfort zone. When I was confronted with a different game plan, I didn’t like it. When I had no choice, but to live with it, I asked myself so many questions. This is one question I’ve never asked myself till this year. Trust me, it is never easy to put yourself out of your comfort zone; but when you do so, you either get benefited or kill your own soul. I had to put myself out of my comfort zone. I did and I hope I will be benefited. This year has helped me ask myself so many such questions. When you ask yourself questions, your mind will not calm down until you find answers to those questions. My mind did the same. Who am I trying to prove? Who should I be trying to prove? I need not prove anybody. When I win challenges, only I would feel proud when 80% of others don’t care and the rest would already be looking to get what they can get out of that. If there is someone I should be proving – that is ME. I have a lot to prove to myself. The experiences this year have helped me question myself and find an answer to this question.

PS: I wanted to keep this post for 31st December. But I couldn’t hold this that longer. This is only a part of what I would be updating on 31st December.

Victory after a long hunt!!

September 19th, 2010 was a Sunday. I woke up at 6 in the morning, warmed up and went out to play cricket after one and half years, at about 7 a.m in the morning. I played till 11 a.m, returned home, had to go out to roadside shop and returned home at 12 noon. I threw myself on the bed when I got a call. I answered the call and the conversation transcript is below

Me : “Hello. This is Loga.”

Person on the Other End : “Hello.  I’m calling from Sangeetha Mobiles, Chromepet. I got your number last month when you were looking for HTC Wildfire. It is now available in our store. If you want, you can come in anytime and get the phone.”

Me : I was so excited that I wanted to get the phone immediately, but then I was too tired and answered the call with what my body said. “Yeah. I remember. I’m still looking out for the phone. I will check in at around 4 in the evening and get the phone.”

Person on the Other End : “Sure sir. Thanks”

I hung the phone up. I decided to sleep till 4:30 p.m and go out to get the phone in the evening. I tried sleeping, but with all excitement about getting my first ever smart phone I couldn’t sleep. I spent time trying to sleep from 12:30 to 3:30, but failed. All that happened in the last 21 days flashed in front of my eyes.

flassshhhhbaaackkkkkk….. coil rollsssssss…….

Poorvika, Tambaram is the first store I checked on 28th September, 2010 and they had no clue of the model.

On 29th September, 2010, I checked out Univercel, Chomepet and they didn’t sound convincing.

On 30th September, 2010 Monday, I checked out Sangeetha Mobiles, Chromepet and Vasavi, Chromepet on my way to work. Sangeetha Mobiles showed signs of knowing the model, but never promised me a date when I could get the phone. Vasavi Mobiles said I would get the phone the very next day if I paid them rs 500 advance and in the craze for this model, I paid them rs 500 and headed to office.

The next two – three days, I called up Vasavi Mobiles and they had the same answer “Tomorrow positively” every day. I got my advance back after 3 days and decided never to return to Vasavi Mobiles.

The following saturday, I checked out Sangeetha Mobiles, Chromepet again and this time they promised that I may get it in one or two weeks. I left them with my number and headed to Poorvika, Chomepet and then headed to Velachery checking out Univercel, Poorvika, Sangeetha Mobiles and left my number to every store I checked out. The next day, I checked out Univercel at EA mall and they told me why there was a demand for this model, why HTC has stopped supplying this model and promised me that I could get this phone the very next day.

The coil rolllllllsssss baaacckkkk…. Flasssshhhhbaacckkkk is over.

It was only the day before that I gave up the idea of getting this model and decided to get Milestone 3 months later. I then checked out the time and it was 3:20 p.m. I gave up trying to sleep, got ready, left home at around 3:45 and reached the store at 4 p.m sharp.  I got the phone and updated my FB status with “Finally Wildfire.”

Now I do chat, I do mail, I do surf, I do all on the move, I’m not a blackberry boy but HTC boy. I’m happy and very much satisfied with the features in my first ever smart phone – HTC Wildfire, a good value for money mobile.

It was victory after a long hunt.

PS: This is my first ever blog update from mobile

Brave souls never DIE

They were a newly wed couple. She was pregnant, carrying a baby when he was asked to report at the border. He worked as an army pilot and had to report on an urgent request. There were discussions throughout that night and they were discussing on why he should go and why he should not go. Finally he had won the battle and had convinced his wife. He had decided to leave the next morning. The next morning, it was raining heavily when he took his bag, promised her to be back in few weeks and waved at her. She waved back at him with an ever smiling face, with fear and hope deep down her heart as he moved away with his army bag.

Three weeks had passed and he was on duty that day. He had already killed many across the border and was flying menacingly across the border when his flight was hit by a rocket launcher. He was struggling to land the plane. He tried all that he could before he realized it was too late. He didn’t panic. He had already done enough damage across the border.  He was happy to die for his nation. He was feeling proud. He was proudly looking at the sky for one last time, but was a bit worried about his wife and his family. He wanted to talk to her one last time. He wanted to hug her one last time. He wanted to see her one last time. He wanted to see their kid, he wanted to kiss his kid and he wanted to hug his kid for the first and last time. He knew he was going to die when he whispered

“Dear! I may not see you again. I’m not blessed to see our kid. Please let our kid pursue what he wants. If he wants to become an Army pilot like me, make him one”.

She was sleeping when she heard a voice whisper in her ears. She woke up panicked, had a glass of water and was completely lost in thought. She was wondering if it was a dream in which she heard that voice. She feared if something was wrong with him. She prayed for him and slept after spending a long time trying to sleep. She was very tired when she woke up in the morning. She opened the door, looked  at the sun and prayed when a lady from the neighboring street came running towards her and told her with a lot of hesitation that her husband had passed away. For a moment, she didn’t hear the voice of the lady. The lady was trying to console her, but she didn’t hear her, she didn’t see anything around her, she didn’t know what was happening around her. She was lost in deep thought. She never knew there was a bad news waiting for her that morning when she woke up.

In few hours, her home was crowded with relatives and people from the neighborhood.  The place had ceased to be her sweet home. The next day, his body was brought to his house, his last rites were performed and he was given a grand farewell at his funeral. His body was put to rest with bullets fired as a means of paying him respect. The next day, she had decided to kill herself when she realized what had happened on the night two days before. She, then knew that it was his voice that she had heard two days before. She had a challenge to live up to. She had a promise to keep up. She told herself that he has not passed away from them. She believed that his soul and his love was still alive and she believed that his soul and his love would help her bring up their son.

Twenty five years later, a twenty-five year old-young man was packing his bag. He was waiting for his mom to finish her pooja. When his mom was done with the pooja, he sought her blessing. She blessed him with a smile, but out of nowhere two drops of tears fell down the cheeks of this old woman – the cheeks that had dried up long before. The young man convinced her saying “Mom!! don’t worry. I’ll be back. You know I always wanted to be an Army Pilot and you always wanted me to pursue what I wanted to be. Why do you cry now. Bless me”. The old lady wiped away the tears, smiled at him and whispered “Dear, I have kept up the promise. I’ve made our son an Army Pilot. He always wanted to be an Army Pilot like you. Bless our kid. He is the only reason why I’m alive on this earth”. It was raining heavily when he took his bag, promised her to be back in few weeks and waved at her. She waved back at him with the same  smiling face, with fear and hope deep down her heart as he moved away with his army bag.

There are still a few brave souls out there. The brave souls – that never give up. The brave souls – that never DIE.

PS:The post is completely fictional. Any match, if found in real, is a complete co-incidence.