Last 6 months have been horrible. I’ve been thinking that I’ve started realizing my life very late. Here goes few of the realization that I thought I made in the last 6 months.
I’ve always been someone who’s struggled chasing something or the other and I’ve always been that person who fails after all the struggle, that someone who fails after almost being there. The first observation that I made out was – “I’ve never got anything I’ve wished for in life“. As I belong to this smart species of Homo sapiens, I did not stop with the observation alone. I made up that I will never get anything I want in life. The obvious next question that I asked myself was – If I won’t get anything I want in life, why should I even try?
Life turned pathetic the moment I sowed this question in my mind. I was fighting myself in everything I did. I started cursing the maker (If at all there is one) as to why should my life be designed such, that despite knowing I won’t be there, I should still run. I’d even successfully convinced myself to not wish for anything as I would not get the wish granted anyways. I thought this particular decision would save me from disappointments. The other reason that convinced me of this decision was that – though I’ve never got what I’ve wished for, life has always presented me with something better than what I’ve wished. I thought, as life has always presented me with what is best for me, why should I wish for something smaller than what I would eventually get.
But then life turned boring. The life started lacking in purpose. There are certain aspects in life where there is nothing better than what you wish to have. There are certain elements in life that you can not rate whether it is good/better/best. You would just want it the way you wish you want it. Even if it means you would have to go through difficult times, you would want to go through them because that is how you wish to live your life. I’ve been cribbing about it with my friends. Many even tried to pacify me by saying that everyone goes through such times in life. Many of my good friends even reminded me of my own lines – “No forces. Let things happen”. But then it was getting too difficult for me.
Last weekend, I picked Infinithoughts from a store by chance. I read through few pages that brought in some positive changes. It helped me forget about these haunting questions for a week and I’m already a happier person with the sequence of events over the last one week. Today I realize its not a good idea to be data warehousing my life. Today I promise myself, I won’t change the way I life my Life. I would rather go through disappointments than living a boring life.