How many times have your mind saved a clip of a moment from your life as a memorable one? How many picturesque moments have your mind captured to cherish the rest of your life? How many times have you played those clips from your memory to relive those moments? How many times have you played them over and over again? How many times have you run a slide show of those memorable pictures from your memory to revisit those times? Then there would be times that break everything. You would want to forget everything. You struggle to move on. How many such memorable clips have you destroyed? How many such memorable pictures have you torn? How many times have you begged with yourself to erase such clips and pictures from your memory so as to stay peaceful. Why does all these happen? Because, we are human beings and our mind is so powerful and quick that it can not stay calm for a second. It assumes. It manipulates. It derives meanings. And who suffers?
Again, why would all these happen? We never think flat. We either think positive or negative. We’re either optimistic or pessimistic. Any thing that we look at, we start deriving meanings out of everything – the timing of the moment, the gestures, the words and what not? We derive meaning out of everything. When we look at it positively, we derive positive things to keep ourself happy. That is how we collect memorable clips and pictures. When we look at it negatively, we derive negative meanings that break trust, relationship and our peace of mind.
What if you get to know all that is supposed to happen in future. What if you know that you would ultimately destroy all your memorable clips and pictures in future. Would you have saved them in the first place? But, is there a way to know the future. I think the best possible way around is to think flat, to play down moments. You never own any moment. You may be leaving behind legacy, but never own a moment. The moment that you think you own, are assumed to be owned by many others as well. We never own any moment. In fact, we don’t even own our life!!
We had team lunch at Restaurant Kumarakom, Velachery, Chennai last monday. I reached the restaurant at around 12:45, parked my bike outside the restaurant and was about to call one of my colleagues when I was interrupted by a kid. The kid was carrying a handful of sketch books and was pleading me to buy one. I disconnected the call and told the kid that I have nothing to do with these books and asked her to look for someone else who would buy the books. The next few words she spoke were shocking. She said – “Bro, you need not buy any of these books. Please buy me some food. I’m starving”. Those were not easy words to digest. I got back to my senses with my mobile phone ringing. I answered the call from my colleague, looking out for the kid who was talking to me just a few minutes ago. I found the kid having already crossed the road and pleading people on the other side of the road. There was plenty of food available just a few meters away as the restaurant was nearby. Someone had hidden all this food from her eyesight. So near, yet so far.
The other day I saw a kid getting down from a yellow ferrari at the American institute situated on the same road. It feels so good to see a ferrari in Chennai. But what did this kid do that the other kid did not. How life looks so different for two kids on the same road. The road was the same, but were they heading in the same direction? Poverty at this tender age is so hard to live with.
This year has been fantastic in terms of experiences. This year has taught me so many lessons that have helped me realize my destiny. My life, so far has been full of challenges. When I didn’t care about securing a rank in school, I was challenged to top. I didn’t back out. I worked hard, I did well, but I didn’t win. I was written off, when I challenged myself to exceed all the expectations in my higher secondary results. When a foreign dept in college challenged us, I worked with a team to show the whole college what we are worth of. When the head of my department rejected our final year project proposal, citing that, only saints can work on such projects, my team worked hard to show them that we may not be saints, we may not be IIT geeks, but we do not back out of any challenge. I loved working on the challenges in a part of my work-life so far. I have lost most of the challenges I’ve tackled so far, but have never backed out of any of the challenges. I’ve always worked with a lot of passion in all of the challenges. So when I ask myself what my passion is, among all of them, working on challenges comes out on top. Proving something to someone by winning the challenges have remained my passion throughout. But the question is who have I tried to prove so far? Who am I trying to prove now?
I have been enjoying what I enjoy doing – working on challenges and proving. I have been very self fish so far by covering myself in my comfort zone. When I was confronted with a different game plan, I didn’t like it. When I had no choice, but to live with it, I asked myself so many questions. This is one question I’ve never asked myself till this year. Trust me, it is never easy to put yourself out of your comfort zone; but when you do so, you either get benefited or kill your own soul. I had to put myself out of my comfort zone. I did and I hope I will be benefited. This year has helped me ask myself so many such questions. When you ask yourself questions, your mind will not calm down until you find answers to those questions. My mind did the same. Who am I trying to prove? Who should I be trying to prove? I need not prove anybody. When I win challenges, only I would feel proud when 80% of others don’t care and the rest would already be looking to get what they can get out of that. If there is someone I should be proving – that is ME. I have a lot to prove to myself. The experiences this year have helped me question myself and find an answer to this question.
PS: I wanted to keep this post for 31st December. But I couldn’t hold this that longer. This is only a part of what I would be updating on 31st December.
I celebrated my 24th birthday on 19th Oct, last tuesday. I wanted to add this post on the same day, but didn’t find any time to do. This b’day was special with lots of wishes. It makes you feel special when lot of people wish you with a pure heart, with nothing to hide and with nothing to seek in return. Here I’m updating my blog with how the year between my 23rd and 24th b’day had been. Before I start, I would like to wish myself good luck for the next year. Last year had been full of experiences – Depressions, failures, disappointments, happiness here and there. I had a few major lessons for life learnt in this year. I had a chance to know a lot about myself during this period. I had a chance to know a lot of people – few nice and gentle, few who are philosophical, few who live by their principles, few with passion in their eyes, few pessimists, few self-centered and many more. This was a period when I made few more friends. There were a lot of disappointments along the way, but how I stood them all and still stand shows myself how strong I’m as a character.
I consider myself lucky to have experienced all this at this age. I’m sure my dad would not have gone through all these when he was 24. There were no major achievements this year. But I think this is how it was supposed to be – to know more about myself than proving others who I’m. I lost a mobile a month after my 23rd b’day and got my first smart phone a month before my 24th b’day. I’ve lost few more things along the way this year. I wish I get them back by next b’day. This was a year when I added a lot of posts to my blog. I will not promise that I will add at least one post more than the number of posts I added last year. I promise that I will be frequent to this space. I will come back to this space to update how the year between my 24th and 25th b’day shapes up. I wish I come back to this space with a lot of good news next year. I wish myself luck to get what I deserve. Thank you all for making me feel special on my b’day and Thanks to all who made an impact in my life last year.
She was a poor flower vendor who carried flowers to every door in her locality by her cycle. Almost everyone in her locality bought flowers from her. She had always been very talkative, cheerful, making her presence felt wherever she went. She was happy in spite of being poor . She loved selling flowers. Nobody in the locality knew what her husband was doing. Her world of life was good until that day, the day when she heard that her husband had passed away. It all happened so soon. It all happened before she could even realize. It took days for her to think of the purpose of her very existence – her children. She was not even wealthy enough to have her children fed on time without working. She had to bring them up. She had to get back to what she did for her bread and butter. That is when the battle was waged, a battle that was waged by her heart, a battle with the weed sowed by the evil face of the society.
When she wanted to get back to selling flowers, she started thinking about the society. This bad world doesn’t buy flowers from a widow. What would she do for bread and butter. She doesn’t know anything else other than selling flowers. She is not educated either to go out looking for job. What would she do to bring up her children. What would she do for food. How would she pay her house rent. All this thought was going through her mind. She decided to leave the flowers at every doorstep and move unnoticed and collect the money from them once in a week. Her life had changed all of a sudden. She was not talkative anymore, in fact she had stopped talking altogether. She was not cheerful anymore. Two years had passed like this. It had been two years since she smiled and one of her customers started noticing the change in her. That was when, an angel in the form of one of her customers, decided to bring her life back to her.
This angelic customer started waiting for her every day at the door. The first day she waited for her, she started a conversation on the day’s weather when she arrived. The next day she waited for her, she started a conversation on the balance due. Days passed and this angelic customer talked to her everyday. This lady liked the warmth of this angelic customer. She liked her being received. She started smiling. She started talking to people. She started calling out her angelic customer’s name even before stopping her cycle in front of her house. This lady who had lost her life not so long ago, seemed to be getting it back. This angelic customer of her had helped her get her confidence back and bring her life back. There was a battle won at one door, a battle that was waged by her heart, a battle with the weed sowed by the evil face of this society. The battle is not won completely. There will come a time when the battle will be won at all the doors and the battle will be won completely.
It is a good sign that the battle against this social evil is won at least at one door. Well begun is half ended. Let us hope for the best.
PS:The post is completely fictional. Any match, if found in real, is a complete co-incidence.
PS: Only one day after publishing this post, I noticed this. This happens to be the 50th post in my blog. It has been quite a wonderful journey. Thank you all for the support!! Keep visiting!! long way to go!!
I had been to my old workplace yesterday for a session. I was super excited the day before yesterday when I thought about it. But then, that morning when I woke up, I asked myself if I should really attend that session (I have few rules designed by my heart. One of the rules was not allowing me to go there now). I decided to go and started from home at 9:10 A.M for a session that was about to start at 9:30 A.M, with the place 35 Kms away from my home. I love traveling to this place. I always take the longest, yet quickest route to this place. I worked on a project in this place 8 months back. When I was driving I realized that I was not able to push my bike beyond 80 Kmph . Eight months back I used to travel at 100 Kmph to this place. There was a day when I traveled to this place in less than 30 minutes to attend a call. Those were the times when my bike and the road met each other every day, be it a weekend or a weekday. I knew the road so well then. Yesterday, I kept telling myself that it has been 8 months since I took this route and I do not know what state it is in right now and decided not to risk. So I kept the bike under my control. How things happen so soon. The road that once belonged to my bike, appears only familiar now.
I still managed to reach the place in 35 minutes. I was there at 9:45 AM. I attended the session, met one of my best friends and wandered around the place with memories of those pitstop briyani, those war room sessions, those cricket matches with a borrowed bat and ball, those blank screens, those ragging sessions, those rejections, those smiles amidst the pain, those connection issues, those HSB coffees, those friday nightmares, those chocolate mousse, those night outs, those endless “leave in 15 minutes” promises and my cube. It was good to see the place again. But again, the place that looked like I once belonged to, appears only familiar now. Yes, I may have belonged to the place; but the place never belonged to me. Now I know that I can only belong to that place that belongs to me. I’ve realized that long time back. It was a part of my journey as it was for my bike. This was a nostalgic drive to a place where I never belonged to.
It has been more than 10 days since I added a post in my blog, though I’ve been reading few blogs and following few topics in the IndiBlogger forum (I’ve still had at least 10 visitors to my blog everyday. Thanks to those souls who have been checking my blog all this week). Until two days back, I had been either too busy or too confused over something. Two days back, I was driving back home from office at around 3 a.m. As usual, I had let my thoughts wander and was completely lost in thought. It was a bend, when I noticed something crossing the road in front of my bike, not far away, and I was driving at around 70 Kmph. I pressed the panic button, honked, honked twice and passed without facing “that something” physically. It took me a while to get back to normalcy and I started wondering what was that, that passed in front of me (Was it a UFO? Was it a GHOST??). It took me even more time to realize that it was my own shadow that I was honking at. I felt very embarrassed. I immediately thought if I should blog about it. Then there was a second thought – all of you would get to know how stupid I was. I laughed it away and let my thoughts wander once again.
I reached home. I was having noodles when I thought about it again. The embarrassment didn’t look like sparing me. It was then there was a sudden warning – “It sure has got a message”. Yes, it sure has got a message. I spent about an hour thinking, co-relating the incident with what was troubling me and got the message the incident was trying to convey. I was finally able to read this signal. We never know few things about our own selves until something happens to point that out to us. We learn about ourselves all our life. This incident (or accident as you may call) has surely helped me come over the confusion that I had been living with for almost one week until then. It helped me decide. Yes, I have decided. I got to know something about my own self that day. I seem to have got the clarity in thought. I was smiling peacefully after a long time before I hit the bed that day. I hope it stays and I hope I don’t get confused again (It is very easy to confuse me. If you dare to confuse me, I warn you – I always confuse the people who try to confuse me).
PS: I had promised a post on something in the previous post. I’ve been working on the draft. The confusion that I’ve had, has made that draft half-clear and half-confusing. I will come back on it soon.
PSS: I recently read a post of a frustrated Facebook user and left a comment on his post saying “I would not be surprised if people start liking the notifications of ‘A and B are now friends'” . To my surprise I saw one crazy guy liking the notification of ‘C and D are now friends’, where C is in my friends list.