I believe in signs

The weekend that followed my visit to the college campus was great. I was on a high. On that Sunday night, I had even updated my status with – “Charged up for the week ahead!!”, with one of my friends liking that status update. I was really charged up for the week ahead. But what was waiting for me was a horrifying truth, a truth that I’ve always been aware of, but have always chosen to ignore. I was slapped with a reminder on the very truth on the very first day of that week.  I spent the rest of the week in a confused state (nothing new for me). This confusion continued its stay with me through that weekend, till I started reading one of the books I picked up the following Monday. That Monday, I went to office with thoughts wandering. I don’t know what lead me to the book store after our lunch that day. I was flipping through a few books in that store and decided to buy 2 from the shop.

That Monday night, after getting back home, I spent reading around 50 pages of one of the books.  I felt it was too late, bookmarked exactly the 50th page of the book and hit the bed. I was still thinking of what I could think of, of what I’ve read in the book till then. There was a line in the book – “Routine is a slow poison”. In a few minutes, I had lot of reasons to blame the whole world. I didn’t know when I slept off. The next morning I woke up, all the more convinced that the whole world is forcing me on a routine and I’m not liking it. As part of the morning Routine, I was searching for a shirt and pant to iron. I was looking for a yellow striped shirt and wasn’t getting it. To my surprise, I found a blue striped shirt which I normally wear every Monday. I was wondering how this shift was available on a Tuesday and why I didn’t wear it the previous day. Only then I realized that it was my dad who ironed my shift the previous day. Only then I realized that I Have forced myself on a routine for the last few years. The rest of the day was spent trying to recall the different routines I’ve forced upon myself all through these years. This weekend, I had an invite from my parents to travel to Madurai. I hesitated a bit. I wanted to play cricket. This has also been a routine for a few years. I’ve been playing cricket every other weekend. So I spent this weekend at Madurai and my status update this Saturday morning was – “Weekend @ Madurai.”

A Visit to a College Campus

The month of August has started well for me. Or rather, that is how I feel. On 31st of July, I got an email seeking nominations to visit colleges to address the students, representing the organization I work for. In hindsight I wanted to nominate myself, but I was looking for a company. Fortunately one of my teammates also wanted to nominate.  So both of us nominated our names. We were asked to visit a college at Kodambakkam on Thursday, 2nd of August. We were at college early in the morning. The placement officer at the college received us, arranged for the session. I felt really happy to be in a college campus, a place where one spends the best part of his/her life. It reminded me of my college days. The session went for around 1 hr 15 minutes. It was so satisfying to see a lot of enthusiastic faces listening to what we had for them. I ended the session with a short story. It was a satisfying experience to be completing your one and half hour session with a lot of smiling faces still glued to what you had to say. That day, I had a question for myself – Is this something that would keep me happy if I continue?

Nostalgic Drive

 

I had been to my old workplace yesterday for a session. I was super excited the day before yesterday when I thought about it. But then, that morning when I woke up, I asked myself if I should really attend that session (I have few rules designed by my heart. One of the rules was not allowing me to go there now). I decided to go and started from home at 9:10 A.M for a session that was about to start at 9:30 A.M, with the place 35 Kms away from my home. I love traveling to this place. I always take the longest, yet quickest route to this place. I worked on a project in this place 8 months back. When I was driving I realized that I was not able to push my bike beyond 80 Kmph . Eight months back I used to travel at 100 Kmph to this place. There was a day when I traveled to this place in less than 30 minutes to attend a call. Those were the times when my bike and the road met each other every day, be it a weekend or a weekday. I knew the road so well then. Yesterday, I kept telling myself that it has been 8 months since I took this route and I do not know what state it is in right now and decided not to risk. So I kept the bike under my control. How things happen so soon. The road that once belonged to my bike, appears only familiar now.

I still managed to reach the place in 35 minutes. I was there at 9:45 AM. I attended the session, met one of my best friends and wandered around the place with memories of those pitstop briyani, those war room sessions, those cricket matches with a borrowed bat and ball, those blank screens, those ragging sessions, those rejections, those smiles amidst the pain, those connection issues, those HSB coffees, those friday nightmares, those chocolate mousse, those night outs, those endless “leave in 15 minutes” promises and my cube. It was good to see the place again. But again, the place that looked like I once belonged to, appears only familiar now. Yes, I may have belonged to the place; but the place never belonged to me. Now I know that I can only belong to that place that belongs to me. I’ve realized that long time back. It was a part of my journey as it was for my bike. This was a nostalgic drive to a place where I never belonged to.

A Random Thought – Cure to all blocks

I was thinking of writing on this topic for 15 hours today. Unusually, I was finding it difficult to start the post. I opened a document to write, didn’t get a start and decided to watch a comedy show. After lunch, I opened the document to write again and again I didn’t find anything to write. I decided to play a test match on Cricket 2007. I played very patiently and played really well to win the match by one wicket. I opened the document again and didn’t find anything to start the post yet. So I checked the IndiBlogger forum, found Addy‘s ADDYction setting the forum on fire and decided to join him in his game. After replying to a few topics in the forum, I opened the document again and didn’t get any damn idea to start the post (What the hell… where did this block come from?). I, then decided to chat, browse through few blogs and by chance opened coffee day’s site. I was chatting, listening to the music played in the coffee day’s site and was trying hard to start the post.  I was thinking of one thing that serves as a cure to all blocks. A block that may be a blogger’s block, a writer’s block, a sentimental emotional block or all heart blocks for that matter.

I had almost given up writing on this topic and decided to sit down with the book that I’ve started reading from yesterday. I took “The Zahir” by Paulo Coelho and resumed from the 20th page. yeah, the dentist wanted to be a singer, the singer wanted to be a politician, the politician wanted to be a writer, the writer wanted to be a farmer..How true these lines are. Yes, I never wanted to be a software engineer until June 2004. I was reading about the road to Santiago and was immediately able to connect to The Alchemist. When I was reading about the cathedral, I knew where the cure for all the blocks is. Yes, the cure to all the blocks is to travel. Well, I’m the shepherd, all of you are shepherds. For that matter, everyone is a shepherd. We shepherd our life, our career, our love. We travel in search of life, love, career and destiny. Travel clears all blocks in our mind. Travel is the key to unlock the way to the locked journey of life.

I’ve read 68 pages by then, bookmarked that page and tried writing this post. I didn’t open the document this time. I created a new post and started writing directly on my blog. I still found it difficult to start. Wait.. Wait.. What is the cure to this block. I knew the cure. I took my bike key, went on a ride. It was 11 P.M already when I started driving. I was driving along the GST road that looked serene with less traffic. The road next morning would be going mad with honks all around. I was driving with freedom. I was not thinking about the post. There was an aeroplane flying over my head, heading towards the airport to land.  It was flying only a few hundreds of feet over my head that I was able to measure its length.  I had covered 15 kilometers when I realized it was getting late. I turned back and I’m here publishing this post.

Do you agree with me on the cure to all blocks?

PS: I’m surely not trying to compare the block I had in writing this post with what the write in “The Zahir” has described. I’m not trying to call myself  a writer. It was a mere coincidence. What the writer in “The Zahir” had was a procrastination and what I had was a block. The solution to this is what I’m interested in and the cure is to travel.